Death: How to Embrace the Next Adventure
While celebrating "Day of the Dead" in Oaxaca
Photo By Ben Gutman
“Day of the Dead” is not Mexican Halloween.
Mexicans make this very clear.
While there are costumes, “Day of the Dead” is a tradition unique to Mexico. Travelers from all over the world come to Oaxaca to experience it.
Yes, they come for extravagant parades along bustling streets lined with makeup artists and face painters. They come for a few days of partying and photo ops in front of impeccably designed shrines covered in cempasuchil flowers.
But they also come for a specific feeling.
A warm glow within sparked by a refreshing way of approaching death.
An Unplanned Arrival in Oaxaca
A few days ago, I drove down to Oaxaca with my fiancee Luz. While experiencing the city’s internationally recognized celebrations was on my mind, it came second to a much more urgent need: Luz’s hairdressing appointment.
Unfortunately, after the collapse of a utility pole, the hair salon, and the entire surrounding neighborhood, had lost power an hour before we arrived.
Luz, understandably distraught, reluctantly accompanied me (slightly less distraught) to the Jalatlaco neighborhood where I planned to interview some “gringos” about the “Day of the Dead” for a planned travel article.
The possibility of a make-up hairdo appointment the next day kept Luz’s hopes alive and her patience at a remarkably high level. She’d tolerate my interview escapade.
After we parked the car, Luz walked ahead while I sparked a conversation with an excited-looking foreign couple.
“It’s the complete opposite in Denmark”
Thomas and Tine turned out to be European “gringos” from Copenhagen taking a two-week-long vacation to Mexico and Central America.
It was their first time in Latin America and they were visibly thrilled by the change of pace they felt walking the vibrant Oaxacan streets.
But this foreign couple didn’t fit the bill for the stereotypical backpacking partier or amateur hipster anthropologist you typically find in Oaxaca.
They were genuinely fascinated by a new way of life and accepting of a refreshing perspective that put into question their cultural practices.
They told me that in Denmark, you die two times. The day you die and the day your name is said for the last time. But in Mexico, your memory stays alive.
Fear is a perspective
After surrounding themselves with a celebration of death, the Danish couple realized that they were afraid of death in Denmark. They don’t talk about death, they don’t think about it, and they don’t even look at the dead before they’re buried.
Like Thomas and Tine, many foreigners gravitate to “Day of the Dead” because it’s an uplifting way to relate to death. Instead of fearing death and forgetting dead relatives, Mexicans accept death and retain a lasting connection with those who’ve left this realm.
The simple act of leaving an offering of fruit or a bowl of beans at the family shrine creates a sacred meeting place between this world and the next. This erases the idea that death is a black hole of eternal sleep and instead a continuation of life’s adventures.
Enjoy life and embrace death
On our way home, we stopped at an apartment building in a residential neighborhood in Oaxaca’s western suburbs. A young woman had agreed to give Luz a hair makeover (or whatever it’s called) at her home studio since the salon was still electricity-free.
After the hair transformation, Luz talked about the woman and her family and how welcoming and relaxed they were.
As Luz sat on the couch waiting for her hair to dry (or soak, I’m not sure), the woman, her husband, and two children sat around the kitchen table telling each other about their day and laughing about weird encounters they’d had.
The family was patiently waiting on Luz’s hair before heading to their hometown to enjoy their relatives, both alive and dead.
Feliz Dia de los Muertos!
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Much Love & Be Well,
Ben & Luz ❤️
I shared your article with three other law school classmates, as one person in the group had just visited Mexico during day of the dead celebrations. All thought it was terrific and a welcome perspective